I recently came across an idea that stuck with me more than I expected.

I had heard Mohnish Pabrai talking about Warren Buffett, and it connected to a familiar saying: you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. If your closest friends are doing well, you tend to rise with them. If they are stuck, unfocused, or unhappy, that gravity pulls you down too.

This idea shows up everywhere. Jim Rohn famously articulated it, and even the old phrase “birds of a feather flock together” points to the same truth. Who you spend time with shapes who you become.

But Pabrai raised a more interesting question: How do you actually choose those people? Time is limited. Attention is scarce. So how do you decide who is worth investing in?

Pabrai shared a conversation he once had with Buffett. He asked him whether, after meeting many people, he could quickly tell who was worth spending time with and who wasn’t. Buffett admitted that this is hard for him too—but his answer revealed a simple and powerful decision-making framework.

Buffett said that if he meets 100 people, roughly three will be remarkable—people who stand out immediately. Another three will be clearly terrible—people he knows right away he never wants to see again. The remaining ninety-four fall into a gray zone: maybe, unclear, on the fence.

His strategy is surprisingly strict. He says yes to the three remarkable people. And he treats everyone else—the maybes and the nos—the same way: he says no.

That insight stopped me in my tracks.

What Buffett is really saying is that you should reserve your time and energy only for clear yeses. If something—or someone—doesn’t register as an obvious yes, it’s effectively a no.

This aligns closely with something Naval Ravikant has talked about as well. For the biggest decisions in life—who you marry, where you live, what kind of work you do—you don’t want hesitation. You don’t want “I think so.” You want clarity. You want conviction.

And the same logic applies to relationships.

As you mature, you get better at discerning people. You start to notice how someone makes you feel, how they think, how they live, what they value. Over time, you reach a point where you can ask yourself a simple question: Do I genuinely want to spend time with this person?

If the answer isn’t a clear yes, why force it?

This principle extends beyond people. It applies to vacations, projects, commitments, even opportunities. If you’re on the fence, treat it as a no. Clear space. Move on. There are too many possibilities, too many meaningful relationships, and too many worthwhile paths to waste time lingering in indecision.

The lesson I took away is simple but demanding:
Say yes when your heart knows it’s a yes.
Say no to the maybes—and the nos—without guilt.

That clarity is not harsh. It’s respectful—of your time, your energy, and the life you’re trying to build.